One Year Later...

One year ago tonight my husband and I closed on our house.  The house was built by Tyler's paternal grandparents and we began moving in July 11, 2009 (please don't ask why it took so long to close.. that's a story for another day...).  We went to the lawyers office, signed our names bajillions of times, walked out and owned the house.  Only 348 more mortgage payments until we actually own the place...

Like it was yesterday....

It's been five and a half years since my Grandpa died.  Most days it feels like yesterday, as the memory of that day and feelings of that time are so real and clear to me.  Some days I feel like I'll be okay and that I can function normally. Some days I feel paralyzed by the fact that he's gone.  On those days, it's like I'm weighed down by the memories, but moreso by the awful lump in my throat, the feeling that nothing goes right without him, or the need to show him my baby/tell him how school is going/just sit together.

There's a Prairie Lakes commercial on TV that has his picture on it.  My family didn't know about it until Tyler and I were watching TV one day and I thought I saw him.  I asked Tyler to rewind and pause, and sure enough, there he was.  What a lovely surprise! 

Today's one of the better days... but I know the bad days will come again at some point... I wonder if they'll ever really subside completely?